'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
