Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
