If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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