the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
