I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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