Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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