I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize