i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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