some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
