I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
