You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
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the liver wants what the liver wants
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize