She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
