So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
