sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
