i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
