The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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