if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
