I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
