I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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