He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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