She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
