I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize