I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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