As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
