I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
