Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
