jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
