Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
