just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
