Just mADE A PArabola og urine
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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