What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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