and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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