this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
