dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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