I can text with my tongue
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
PANTIES FOUND
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
