i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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