I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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