"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
