Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize