i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize