Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
