no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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