The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize