in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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