apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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