i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
