Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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