T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
