just tell him i said nine months
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
