All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
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I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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