Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
