I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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