What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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