No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
