She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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