the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
