There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I need mimosas to revive my soul
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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