No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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